coming undone

emotions : noun a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others • any of the particular feelings that characterize such a state of mind, such as joy, anger, love, hate, horror, etc. • instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge : responses have to be based on historical insight, not simply on emotion.

i am facing my emotions, emotions of hurt, anger and guilt. i am sick of being hurt. sick of feeling guilty. sick and tired thinking that it was a small problem. but soon realized that it just grew bigger and bigger. sick and tired thinking that maybe i was the one to be blamed. sick and tired of taking the blame. sick and tired of all these emotions. couldn't they just leave me alone just for awhile. sick of wondering the 'what ifs', the 'maybes' and the indefinite possiblities that may lie. and just maybe things would be different. when something happens, the next day i feel butterflies of guilt gushing in my tummy.

sick and tired of thinking if i could just change a little bit and then the maybes arrives. sick of evaluating life as it seems.
complicated as ever. decisions that could not be made. options that could not be taken. everything happens for a reason. but what is the reason. i am sick and tired thinking and believing that what i have now is what i actually want. sick of thinking of losing someone dear to me. what should i do. there are options and decisions. am i strong enough to be take the first step. and look at things from out of the box. maybe i am the one to be blame. but everyone needs to play a part and take the blame to. sick and tired of thinking if i could do it better. sick being the one that has to apologise most of the time. sick of being scared. sick and tired of hating.

sick and tired being taken for granted. sick and tired of trying. sick and tired giving. sick and tired of talking. sick and tired of wanting. sick and tired of being irritated. sick and tired of being the bad person.

sick and tired of everything.